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  • Writer's pictureJJ Singleton

I’m Feeling Lost. What Does That Mean? - by JJ Singleton


JJ Singleton a colorectal cancer survivor

My name is JJ Singleton I'm a colorectal cancer patient from Canton North Carolina. I was diagnosed in 2015 at the age of 27, been on chemo for life since 2016. I'm an advocate for colorectal cancer and breaking down stigmas and hurdles around screening and talking about colorectal cancer as well as mental health and the hurdles of living with cancer.


It's hard to find words


Sometimes it is almost impossible for me to find words that correctly describes or paints the right image of what I’m going through feeling and just my overall place in this thing called life. Today and these last few weeks have definitely been one of those times and as the words escape me to truly encompass where I’m at mentally physically emotionally I feel it’s fitting to say I feel lost in almost every sense of the word.


What does it mean to feel lost?


What exactly do I mean when I say I feel lost because it can mean so many things and honestly it’s complex feelings and emotions that I’m wrestling with. On one hand I’m not sure what’s next in life, my life revolves around cancer and advocacy but as this year ends I have no clue what’s next or where things are going but realizing I don’t have anything else outside of that has scared me in a sense.


So many things I look at in my life add to this lost feeling changes in friendships, changes in life, missed opportunities, regrets of decisions I’ve made, and the awareness about my life and how I’m feeling each day has contributed to this. I’ve not reacted to a lot of things in the best way out of ignorance or fear of change or just being to in my head and all together for me it equals feeling completely lost. This is one side of it but at the same time it don’t truly paint the full picture of what I feel especially in the silence of my life the times where I'm there and no voice except my own thoughts this is where feeling lost takes on a new level for me and I’ve finally realized it has a name.


Feeling detached


Derealization or where you feel detached from your surroundings. I constantly feel detached from almost everyone and everything from people I’ve known my whole life to even people in the amazing cancer groups I’m in I still feel like I’m watching everything from the other side of a glass wall. This feeling can be small at times to just a dissociation to a single thing or event, person but then it can develop and morph into me feeling like I’m detached from the world and everyone and everything is going on growing have life experiences and more without me as I sit and watch it happen. I just feel so lost when im here.


Feeling lost might come as a shock to some and I know I’ll get messages comments and everything about how can you feel lost when you belong so many places and do so much good work etc as well as so many solutions from talking to people in those communities to therapy to religion and more


Everyone feels differently


Talking about how I feel lost can mean as I’ve stated above something that is specifically unique to me and unique to each and everyone but unfortunately as a society when people read or hear that they automatically think about what that phrase relates to their life and go from there when in reality it is something different and we all deserve recognition and understanding for our own feelings and emotions.

Note: JJ gave us permission to repost this article from his blog.


 

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