Healing Doesn't End When Treatment Does - by Hopefawn Robertson

October 6, 2022 was my 61st half birthday.  It was the day I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma, discovered during a dental visit late that August. It presented in lymph nodes in my head and neck. And ultimately my neck swelled so grossly that I thought I might not be able to breathe. I was admitted to Atrium hospital and began my R-CHOP treatments that night. Upon discharge I continued those treatments at Charlotte's  Levine Cancer Institute Infusion Center.

Hopefawn Robertson, Hodgkin Lymphoma survivor

During treatment, there were changes in many of my relationships. The complications of my life are many and not everyone wants to sign up for this ride. Technically, I'm not really tall enough to be on it myself.  Some people drifted away. I was a bit lonely. After treatment I was feeling more isolated.  I can't walk to the bus stops, I can't drive our car because of it's mechanical issues. 

My hips have degenerated and there's often pain that puts an end to whatever I might be engaged in. Transportation can be very difficult, getting out can be a challenge. My hands don't work as well as they used to.

My brain is not as quick or sharp as it was before cancer and treatment. I can't get to a gym. I still have pain and brain fog, and my energy isn't quite what it used to be. I was struggling to find connections and help.

There is the constant and real fear of cancer recurrence, especially since I am vulnerable to a host of cancers. I was finding it hard to find where I belonged. I knew that I felt comfortable talking with other cancer patients because they understood things about me that some of my closest kin could not, like the effects of chemo-brain, or the experience of survivor's guilt, or scanxiety.

Through the last couple of months of treatments I began engaging in some of the supportive oncology at Levine Cancer Institute, (which are wonderful also) and while Levine's had filled some deep needs for me, I was about to discover another lifeline.  I believe it was no coincidence that my long time QiGong instructor emailed me about the beginnings of The After Cancer.

Marie Theriault, QiGong, TaiChi and Yoga Instructor, reached out to me and invited me to try this new platform for cancer patients. All of the sessions would be online! I could attend those! I agreed readily and signed up. I signed up for QiGong with Marie, and Yoga, and Gentle Stretch & Balance, I signed up for nutrition classes, and special sessions on specific and varied topics. I was signing up like a Girl Scout trying to earn a badge.

As I attended these sessions, I felt more relaxed as time went by. I made connections; we would "see" each other virtually, but regularly through the week every week. We move to TaiChi, QiGong, and other exercise classes together, learn the ways to help ourselves through nutrition together, we learn techniques to manage pain, create art together and grieve together when we experience losses.

The After Cancer became a place where I to make new friends, and learn to practice doing good things for myself. I am learning that I am worthy of self care time. I deserve time to heal. Time to just be; every day forever.

One day, just a few months after my joining, Cheryl Lecroy, Peer Moderator, asked me if there was anything I would like to have in The After Cancer that I didn't see already? I said I would love to see art sessions, maybe music, but creative outlets would be wonderful, please and thank you. Within a few months, the first art class/sessions would begin. I was thrilled! And then healing journaling classes began, and a second artist joined Cheryl.

The After Cancer's responsiveness to my suggestions was heartening and exciting.

A year after my treatments ended, it was April 2024, when my husband and I moved back to New York for a year and a half. I was disheartened, and disappointed to learn that many large hospital cancer groups there did not have the extensive Supportive Oncology groups that exist in Charlotte. And I was immensely grateful that I could take The After Cancer with me.

My path was arduous, but I persevered by reaching for my tools and resources, ever grateful for The After Cancer as the biggest tool in my box. I fought depression and anxiety, sadness and boredom, fear and loneliness with active participation in The After Cancer.

During one co-create group this past April, with a couple of other members and Cheryl Lecroy, we talked about an event that was combining The After Cancer and Carolina Breast Friends. It was taking place in Charlotte within days. Cheryl and some of the other Care Team would be there, and a few of our members were coming long distance.

I had already moved back to Charlotte, and we hurriedly plotted to meet up there. The After Cancer members got to share our experiences with potential new members and enjoy some time just socializing together. The experience of being in the actual presence of my friends whom I'd previously only known virtually, was indescribably invigorating! It is a favorite memory now, a moment when bonding was intensified by seeing and hugging each other in person, and this new core memory makes me smile widely with joy when I conjure it in my mind.

It is now three years past the end of my treatments. I still face a bilateral mastectomy at the end of this summer and still face multiple regular screenings for life, but I know I have the tools and friends to get me through the fear and whatever may come. I have this online support in my pocket all the time, with my community who I engage with regularly, in chat groups, in exercise, in art, in nutrition, in deep thought, deeper emotion, and with truly deep gratitude.